I never dreamed at the age of 52 I’d be a widow! All those things my husband and I had talked about doing while growing old together were now gone, shattered with him losing his battle to cancer. My teenage son who was just entering the ninth grade was now without a father. I said to myself, “Why is this happening, it’s not fair, it’s not right!” Unfortunately through my childhood I had learned early that “life’s not fair” and your life isn’t always like other people’s lives. Oh I was lucky in the sense that I had extended family in my life that loved me, but why couldn’t I have a family like everyone else? Still questions with no answers.
Going through life after my husband’s death while trying to raise my teenage son on my own, running the household, trying to make ends meet, I always tried to seek and do the Lord’s will. I wanted my son to see me living a life worthy of my faith. Continuing to attend church, seeking out Christian friends, attending Bible studies helped me stay focused on my faith and lean on Christ. I wanted my son involved in church activities so he too could find strength in dealing with losing his Dad.
So by having a relationship with my Lord and Savior, I could go to Him in prayer for answers and strength. He helped me deal with those questions I had about my childhood. He gave me the strength to get through my husband’s illness and death. He gave me wisdom in raising my son on my own. He gave me the promise found in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I also hold on to this verse, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
He knows the before, the in between, and the end of everything we face in life. Leaning on Him for my strength doesn’t always answer the why’s nor change the fact that, “life’s not fair,” but I can have peace and a hope in all situations.